


Voice My Love

by EmpireOfTheClouds



Series: Finding Love [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Family, All of WayV are brothers uwu, Angst and Fluff, Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, Flashbacks, Gay Male Character, God they're so awkward, Homophobia, I can't write plot properly, I haven't really thought about the ending lmao, I really don't know what this is, I sold my soul to Satan writing this, I think the ending is gonna be happy but we'll see, I wrote this instead of sleeping too, I wrote this instead of studying, I'm so so sorry, Lmao I'm a mess for old rock bands so Lucas likes Iron Maiden, Lots of social anxiety, Luwoo are fucking adorable don't @ me, M/M, Mark and Haechan are mentioned, Rated M for self-harm, Slow To Update, Someone slap them, Stargazing, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This is an ugly mess, What a life I'm living, Yukhei is a ball of sunshine and we need to protecc, and he wants to be an astronaut uwu what a babyboy, high school!au, i love this concept, jungwoo is a confident gay, mute character, someone send help, someone slap me, yuwin if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-05-16 17:50:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpireOfTheClouds/pseuds/EmpireOfTheClouds
Summary: To his own surprise, Yukhei hadn't felt exposed at the action. He had actually felt relieved - like he had finally found what he had been looking for.Alternatively, how two lost shadows found home in each other





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: SELF-HARM, ANXIETY

If anything, Yukhei had a special liking for the stars.  
He often found himself immersed in stargazing, earphones muffling the very few things stargazing couldn't, and getting completely lost in his own world, a world very far away from the one he knew. A world even further away than the stars of the sky.  
Iron Maiden's "Empire Of The Clouds" played on his earphones, being the only relation he had to reality at that given moment, and Yukhei let his mind wander. He thought about what could be up there, what could be waiting for him if he managed to travel in space like he had always wanted to. What kind of creatures would he come across? What kind of land would they walk? Actually, would they walk? Or would they fly like free birds, nothing for them to worry about, nothing to be sad over?  
A hand on his shoulder snapped him back to reality and he turned around rather startled, instinctively taking off his one earbud and looking at the intruder with wide eyes, lips slightly parted in shock. His heavy breathing, barely contained, mixed with the faint sound of piano keys, sounding not nearly as clear as a vinyl would make them sound, through his removed earbud.  
His older brother, Ten, was looking at him sympathetically, kindness in his eyes and a half-smile on his lips. Yukhei sighed in relief.  
"Can't sleep?", Ten asked kindly, even though the answer was obvious. Yukhei shook his head no.  
"Me neither", Ten responded and Yukhei knew that he meant more than he said. With a gesture, he tried to get his brother to tell him what was wrong. Ten avoided to answer, mouthing a plain "It's nothing" and leaving the topic hanging. Yukhei sighed once again.  
The older boy stretched out his hand for Yukhei to take just when the latter was about to put his earphones back on. "Come inside, you'll catch a cold", Ten said in a caring tone, and Yukhei couldn't find it in himself to say no, even though he truly felt like he needed some more time alone with the stars. He took Ten's hand and was led inside the familiar wooden house of his childhood, engulfing him in its warmth.

* * *

The bathroom in Yukhei's school was almost like a social gathering all the time, always packed with people, and hell if Yukhei didn't hate it - but at the same time, those tiny little rooms that hid behind heavy wooden doors were the closest thing to privacy he'd ever get.  
The loud laughs and deep voices that could be heard from the other side of the door were making his already throbbing head ache, but that could be arranged. The blade in his pocket, so light to lift but not unnoticeable to Yukhei, not at all, was telling him so.  
"Why don't you just kill yourself?", a voice he identified as Lee Donghyuck's, the captain of the basketball team, asked from the outside of the bathroom. "You'd do everyone a favor." And laughs.  
If he were sane, he'd know that the remark was not directed to him, had no real bite to it - cause that's how Donghyuck always spoke, even to his best friends, if not especially to them - and, thus, was not to be taken seriously. And if he were sane, he'd even hear a smacking sound, Donghyuck's pained yelp, and Mark Lee's voice responding with "Little bitch", earning another roar of laughter from the basketball team.  
But he didn't. Because Wong Yukhei was not sane.  
He was crazy.

* * *

Yukhei's face was full of tears by the end of the lunch break and blood was dripping from his arm, staining the bathroom tiles, and - only slightly, thankfully - his clothes. He didn't feel better. It never made him feel better. He only felt empty and hollow.  
The bathroom was now empty. He could safely exit and no one would notice. He had done this enough times to know.  
He fumbled with the doorknob, having slight difficulty opening the door due to the pain on his arm, but managed, and was about to leave and go on pretending everything was okay until he felt a body crash against his own, causing him to wince out and stumble backwards.  
The other boy looked just as surprised as Yukhei was, staring at him wide-eyed and, as Yukhei noticed, slightly shaking. He was shorter than Yukhei and, admittedly, breathtakingly beautiful - except that he was crying and his chest, slightly visible under the thin fabric of his sweaty white shirt, was covered in scars; a messy series of scars, long lines that ran over one another and couldn't have been made by anything if not a razor blade. Yukhei figured that he couldn't have been looking much different himself - except that he wasn't breathtakingly beautiful.  
"I'm- I'm sorry, I- I'm so clumsy, I'm so sorry-", the boy stuttered, voice broken from crying, and turned to leave, before a tight grip around his wrist made him visibly flinch and let out a tiny wince. Yukhei felt guilty immediately after hearing the soft sound leave the other's lips, but he wasn't going to back down now; this was the first time he found someone like him. Someone who would understand.  
The stranger turned around to face Yukhei, rage in his glare, and Yukhei concluded that he was gonna yell at him and ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing - the thought alone made him flinch on reflex. Being shouted at made him feel so small and weak and he hated it.  
But the shouting never came.  
Instead, Yukhei opened his eyes, only to find out that the stranger was looking at him more softly now, with the same wide, brown eyes he had when they first laid eyes on each other. The boy only now seemed to notice the tears on Yukhei's face, the blood on his clothes, his desperate expression.  
Yukhei's fingers detached from the boy's wrists and tugged at his own sleeve, pulling it up to reveal the fresh cuts on the skin. The boy grimaced at the sight, but stayed quiet. The sleeve was pulled back down again - to his own surprise, Yukhei hadn't felt exposed at the action. He had actually felt relieved - like he had finally found what he had been looking for.  
The other boy did the same, brown eyes fixed on Yukhei's, expression stern and determined. The pale skin under his shirt was covered in burning red marks of fingernails digging into skin, as well as a series of razor cuts.  
"My name is Jungwoo", he said aloud, voice as stern and emotionless as his features.  
Yukhei's expression fell. This was NOT part of the plan; he had never introduced himself to anyone before, it had never been necessary. What was he going to do now?  
With what probably was the most pathetic pout in the history of humanity, he tapped two fingers against his throat and shook his head no. Thankfully, Jungwoo got the message.  
"You're... mute?", he asked hesitantly, unsurely. Yukhei only nodded.  
The boy searched into his pockets and revealed a pen and a piece of crumbled paper, much to Yukhei's surprise. Jungwoo, noticing, cracked a shy smile. "Nerd life only requires it, my dear", he joked, earning a soundless, yet genuine laugh from Yukhei. The former then offered him the items, which Yukhei gladly accepted with a polite bow in thanks. Jungwoo smiled more widely this time, and Yukhei decided that he loved the sight.  
"My name is Yukhei", he scribbled down on the paper. "Wanna be friends?"  
Jungwoo examined the note. "Aw, cute handwriting", he cooed, and Yukhei caught himself smiling shyly and getting flustered. Jungwoo smiled back as he read the note. "Well", he began, "not to rush things or anything, but I'm pretty damn gay and you're pretty damn cute, so... if you'd be interested in a date...", he trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows.  
Why Yukhei agreed, he wasn't sure. Was it that he'd finally found someone who understood him? Was it that Jungwoo was being a confident gay, much to Yukhei's surprise?  
Or was it that Yukhei was pretty damn gay too, and Jungwoo was pretty damn cute as well, and maybe, just maybe, he'd be very interested in a date?  
Yukhei didn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this probably sucks and I don't know why I wrote it but I promise next chapter is gonna be cute and fluffy  
> Kinda  
> For the most part uwu


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luwoo being adorable on their first date, Jungwoo having no communication skills except when it comes down to flirting (a gift and a curse indeed) and Yuta being a huge mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: ABUSE
> 
> HIHI I'M SO SO SORRY I DIED!!! THIS CHAPTER IS MUCH LONGER THAN THE FIRST ONE AND FLUFFY AS I PROMISED UWU  
> ALSO I CAN'T ITALICS ON THIS SITE SO I USE ASTERISKS TO MARK STRESSED WORDS

Kim Jungwoo's head was an ugly place, but even uglier was the apartment he was forced to call "home".  
Every day after school, he'd return "home", not to a warm welcome and a pair of outstretched arms, engulfing him in a loving embrace, but to a drunk father who, empty vodka bottle in hand, swore at him and yelled at him to do chores, not hesitating to smash the heavy glass bottle against Jungwoo's head if he did something slightly wrong.  
He never remembered his father being sober. Not ever.  
"Come here, you piece of shit", Jungwoo's father's voice, rough, uneven and dripping hatred, echoed the very second Jungwoo stepped foot in the apartment, startling him. Without a word, Jungwoo closed the door behind him, quickly took off his shoes and discarded his schoolbag, making his way to the living room where his father lay gracelessly on the couch, as always.  
"Why are you late?", he asked Jungwoo; a question he had indeed been expecting.  
Let the game begin, Jungwoo thought. He smirked and pressed a small button on his phone, which he held behind his back.  
"Let's see...". And he began talking.

* * *

After classes ended, Jungwoo was waiting outside the school, searching the crowd of students for Yukhei. He was fully aware that he was going to get in trouble for that, but he didn't care. He had been planning this for so long and it was about time he put his plan to action - especially now that he had a reason to fight.  
He wasn't delusional - he didn't know much about Yukhei, and Yukhei didn't know much about him either. But at the same time, Yukhei knew more about him than anyone ever had, and he suspected that things were similar the other way around as well.  
Weird how life works sometimes.  
Finally, he spotted the light brown-haired head that hovered above everyone else's and smiled to himself. He waved at Yukhei, sporting a confident smile on his lips, and the taller waved back shyly, which Jungwoo found adorable. Unwillingly, he noticed that Yukhei's hands were huge. He tried not to get dirty thoughts of Yukhei's hands. He failed.  
"Hormones can suck my dick", he muttered, looking down at his shoes.  
A small piece of paper landed on his lap.  
"I can suck your dick too."  
Jungwoo choked on his own spit and glanced up at Yukhei, who was grinning widely, shoulders vibrating. He soon realized it was a laugh.  
"How are you so confident and so insecure at the same time?", Jungwoo found himself asking, voice dripping hurt. He wanted to slap himself across the face the second the question left his mouth. Yukhei's expression turned into one much more sour and Jungwoo *would* cry himself to sleep for doing this to him.  
"I'm sorry, that was probably really rude", he whispered, facing the ground and avoiding Yukhei's gaze.  
He saw a large hand grab the paper on his lap and heard the sound of pen scribbling into paper. He really wished he knew sign language - he was putting Yukhei into so much trouble.  
Just when he was about to apologize for that as well, he saw Yukhei putting the note back on Jungwoo's lap.  
"It's okay. I wonder the same thing sometimes."  
Jungwoo nodded in understanding.  
"I wish I had my confident moments too", he admitted. "I'm only confident around cute boys."  
Yukhei chuckled soundlessly and flushed at the indirect compliment, making Jungwoo smile widely.  
"Wanna go for coffee?", Jungwoo suggested. "It's my treat."  
Yukhei made a face that wavered between utter betrayal and a pout and Jungwoo couldn't help the loud "AWWW" that escaped his lips as he jumped up and hugged the taller with a large grin on his face. "CUTIE BABY!", he cooed.  
He felt Yukhei smile against the crook of Jungwoo's neck and he allowed himself to close his eyes and savor the moment, relaxing the instant moment Yukhei hugged back, muscular arms around Jungwoo's smaller frame. Yukhei smelled like vanilla, candle wax and shower gel and Jungwoo felt so at peace that it was almost dumb, but he didn't care. He was in heaven.

* * *

After a lot of pouting and silent protesting, Yukhei finally gave in and let Jungwoo treat him to coffee and donuts. They picked a nice, cozy café with few customers, a beautifully decorated place that seemed to be where every writer would go to for inspiration, open laptop or notebook on the small table, finding comfort in a hot cup of coffee and the brown aesthetic of their surroundings. They were both equally pleased with the fact that it wasn't crowded, although neither informed the other about this feeling - they didn't have to.  
Yukhei, as it turned out, was, despite his giant size, an actual baby. He constantly reached for Jungwoo's hand and stuck close to him, hiding his face as much as he could, and it made Jungwoo wonder just what kind of shit he had been through that made him so scared of people.  
It was quite overwhelming for Jungwoo, who, except when it came down to flirting, was the literal shyest person on the planet. But he decided not to let Yukhei know that.  
"I'll do the ordering, yeah?", Jungwoo offered, and Yukhei nodded eagerly, looking thankful. "What are you getting?"  
Yukhei shrugged and pointed at Jungwoo, which the latter interpreted as "Whatever you're getting."  
"But I wanna make this special for you~", he sang with a pout that made Yukhei blush a soft red and hide his face in the crook of his T-Shirt (a plain red one, a deeper shade than the one on his cheeks, paired with a black sporty jacket and dark-colored jeans, not ripped, along with a pair of red Converse the size of Texas). With a chuckle, Jungwoo ruffled Yukhei's light brown hair affectionately and placed a kiss on his cheek. "What are you getting?", he repeated patiently, tone tender.  
Yukhei pointed at his jacket and then curled his hand into a fist, lifting it close to his lips the way one lifts a mug. "Jacket mug?"  
Yukhei facepalmed. Jungwoo laughed, despite his embarrassment. More slowly this time, Yukhei repeated the movements to no avail.  
"Aw man, just write it down", whined Jungwoo in a tone that betrayed that he had given up on pantomime. Yukhei smiled before taking the pen to write - to Jungwoo's surprise, it was quite a bitter smile.  
"Wait, I didn't mean it in a bad way-", Jungwoo rushed to explain, guilt washing over him at the sight. Yukhei lifted his gaze from the paper to look at Jungwoo. "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I really don't blame you, I'd be a total ass to do so - I just, I don't understand sign language and I've never been good at pantomime either, so-"  
The swift sound of paper smoothly grazing a wooden surface as it slides against it, as well as the sight of the note sliding towards him made him stop his blabbering.  
"It's really fine. I just wish I were normal."  
Jungwoo looked at him tenderly. "Baby, you are normal. You're perfectly normal and you deserve to be treated fairly, like everyone else", he spoke, voice gentle and words genuine. Smiling, the other grabbed the note and began scribbling on the paper again.  
" "Baby", huh? That means that the age cream that makes you look 15 years younger actually works."  
Normally, Jungwoo would have laughed so loudly he'd have fallen off the chair, but he only flushed a deep red and hid his face in his hands in embarrassment, only peeking through his fingers to eye Yukhei. He hadn't even realized he'd used the pet name until he mentioned it.  
Yukhei was laughing, albeit not loudly, grin so wide his eyes looked like tiny, shiny moons, and Jungwoo found himself smiling too because Yukhei was perfect and he'd do anything in the world to make him happy and be his reason to smile and laugh like this-  
"Are you two ready to order?", a deep, yet cheerful voice snapped the pair back to reality.  
The waiter was a handsome-looking man, probably a college student or around that age, with pretty brown hair that fell on his chocolate brown eyes nicely. He didn't look Korean - more like Japanese, Jungwoo thought, and his nametag that spelled "Yuta" was confirmation enough.  
Yukhei, as expected, flushed a deep red and avoided the waiter's gaze. Jungwoo was alone.  
"I'm only confident around cute boys", he had said. The waiter was undeniably cute. He could form half a sentence without flirting with him or making a fool out of himself.  
Yes, Jungwoo. You promised you'd do the ordering. Just say what you normally would and skip the pet names. You got this, Jungwoo.  
"In a minute", he said with a confident smile, skipping the "handsome". Yuta nodded and gave the two a grin, before making his way to the next table.  
SUCCESS!  
Wow, Jungwoo was really weird.

* * *

"You didn't tell me what you're gonna order", Jungwoo pointed out after the waiter left to get to the next table, where sat a cute boy around Yuta's age, with beautiful dark hair and tanned skin and the body of a professional dancer - he looked Chinese and his teeth were slightly crooked in a way that Jungwoo found adorable. He didn't blame Yuta for looking stunned.  
A piece of paper slid against the table and towards Jungwoo.  
"Yah, stop staring at the waiter!"  
Yukhei was blushing, lips forming an adorable pout and had crossed his arms across his chest, purposefully acting like a whiny baby. Jungwoo melted and pinched his cheek, surprised by how little fat there was there, but deciding not to comment on it.  
"And you, mister, better stop avoiding the question", he pointed out.  
Yukhei slapped his thigh dramatically, as in disappointment, looking defeated, and Jungwoo could practically hear the words the action hid: "I got caught."  
It was beautiful, in a way; they didn't really need words to communicate. Sometimes.  
"Black coffee, by the way. Not freakin' jacket mug", the next note read and Jungwoo laughed, almost forgetting to feel like a dumb idiot.  
"How about donuts? What flavor do you want?", Jungwoo asked excitedly. Yukhei seemed to be thinking about it, before finally writing back.  
"I've never had donuts before."  
"Really?", Jungwoo exclaimed, although constrained. Yukhei only nodded. "They're great, I promise. It's sweet dough with filling and icing on top!~", Jungwoo presented, barely even realizing that he sounded like a commercial. Yukhei let out a soundless chuckle, and Jungwoo found himself chuckling as well.  
"I'll get strawberry, I think", Yukhei scribbled down and Jungwoo nodded, smiling at him. He smiled back wholeheartedly.  
It felt so nice to be with Yukhei. He was less afraid, less anxious, less awkward with him around, and definitely much, much more confident. So when Yuta's presence caught his eye, wandering around the café aimlessly, Jungwoo didn't hesitate to wave at him, as a signal that they were ready to order. Yuta grinned and approached the pair, taking out his little notebook.  
"Are you guys ready to order?", he asked, and Jungwoo noticed that he was surprisingly fluent in Korean.  
"Mhm, an Americano and a chocolate donut for me...", Jungwoo began, before gazing towards Yukhei, "and a black coffee and a strawberry donut for the cutie over there", he finally said and winked at Yukhei, who had flushed a deep red and hid his face in his large hands.  
"You gotta teach me how to do that, man", Yuta commented, impressed, wide grin across his face as he took down their order.  
"It's a talent", Jungwoo bragged.  
Yuta only chuckled before leaving.

* * *

The rest of the date proceeded smoothly. The two ate mostly in silence, with Jungwoo's occasional blabbering and Yukhei's scribbling on the paper to answer him being the only sounds that disturbed the quiet between the two.  
"So your name is Yukhei."  
A nod and a small smile, radiating the brightness of a thousand suns.  
"I suppose you're not from here?"  
Yukhei shook his head and moved his lips in a way that, under other circumstances, would've caused a manly voice to pronounce "Chinese". Jungwoo nodded his head in understanding.  
"Were you born here?"  
Yukhei nodded, then began scribbling on the paper again. Jungwoo waited patiently, drinking his Americano.  
"Yes. My parents are immigrants from China and came here with their first child, my oldest brother, Kun. After they came here, they had more children. We are seven brothers in total", the paper read.  
Jungwoo widened his eyes. "SEVEN?", he exclaimed rather loudly and Yukhei laughed before nodding.  
"Wow", Jungwoo let out, amazement evident in his eyes. "I'm an only child."  
"Must be nice to have your privacy", Yukhei scribbled down.  
"Eh, it actually gets pretty lonely", Jungwoo admitted. "I would like to have a younger brother." Yukhei nodded in understanding.   
Behind him, on the other table, Jungwoo saw the cute Chinese boy the waiter was eye-fucking earlier stand up to leave. He caught a better glimpse of his face - he was really handsome, tan-skinned and fit, graceful in his movements, but not in a feminine way. He sort of reminded Jungwoo of the boy opposite of him, who was eating his strawberry donut in content, although they didn't really look alike, and a vague thought started to form in the back of Jungwoo's head, but it wasn't there yet.  
Yukhei noticed that Jungwoo was staring at something and turned his head around to see what it was, eyes going wide at the sight of the Chinese dancer.  
Said boy also stopped at his tracks at the sight of Yukhei.  
"Yukhei? What are you doing here?", he asked in Chinese with a bright smile and approached Yukhei and Jungwoo's table, grabbing a chair to sit next to Yukhei. Jungwoo looked confused, not understanding the language, and Yukhei noticed that, so he made some gestures with his hands at their visitor. Jungwoo concluded that it was sign language.  
The older boy nodded his head in understanding, and Jungwoo felt a sting of guilt for not knowing sign language too. It was obviously much easier for Yukhei to use sign language than write everything down, and he felt bad for making him go through all this.  
"Oh, so you're Korean?", the boy asked Jungwoo, and the question brought him back to reality. Jungwoo nodded.  
"Ah, my name is Sicheng, I'm Yukhei's older brother", he introduced himself and gave Jungwoo his hand for him to take. Jungwoo smiled and took it, giving Sicheng a shy handshake. Sicheng smiled. "I see you two are having your moment, so I won't disrupt you guys any longer", Sicheng said, chuckling at both of the boys blushing. "I'll tell Mom you'll be late, okay Xuxi?", he asked. Yukhei nodded. With a wave, Sicheng left the café.  
"Wow I wish I had such communication skills", Jungwoo joked, making Yukhei laugh.  
"He's actually pretty shy around strangers", Yukhei wrote down.  
"Didn't look like that to me."

* * *

"Do you want me to walk you home?", Jungwoo inquired politely as they left the café. Yukhei blushed a little as he shook his head no, Jungwoo noticed, and smiled to himself in adoration. "You sure?", he asked gently. Yukhei only nodded.  
"Okay, baby. See you at school tomorrow?"  
Yukhei smiled and nodded. He was extremely cute for a literal giant, Jungwoo thought. He himself was really tall, and yet Yukhei towered over him.  
The sky was already getting dark, and street lights were giving their brightness to the dim, quiet street. They were alone, to Yukhei's - and Jungwoo's, admittedly - relief, but the Chinese reached for Jungwoo's hand nonetheless. He gladly complied, intertwining their fingers, and leaned his head against Yukhei's shoulder, sighing. He didn't wanna go back to that apartment. He had spent such an unusually nice day, and he didn't want to let anything and anyone ruin it - especially that son of a whore who called himself his father.  
Yukhei looked at him with a concerned look. Jungwoo clung to him, sighing again, before he finally spoke up.  
"Today was amazing", he said. "I wanna spend more days with you like this."  
It was slowly downing on him that his father would be so furious for his being late, that he doubted whether his plan was going to work - what if he killed him? Jungwoo was pretty damn certain he didn't hesitate.  
Despite being heavily suicidal, death terrified him - like it did everyone else, really. And this was the only thing keeping him alive, until today.  
Now it's Yukhei too.  
Said boy turned around, bringing Jungwoo back to reality. They were now standing across from one another, and for the first time since he had met Yukhei, he felt intimidated by his height. His heart started beating loudly against his chest and he wasn't certain if it was excitement or anxiety.  
He decided to make the first move before his brain decided it was anxiety and he cupped Yukhei's face with his hands, stood on the tip of his toes and finally, *finally* collided their lips together-

 

A loud bang, the sound of glass breaking, and he was on the floor, blood dripping from the back of his head.  
"WHAT?", his father growled, his hand shaking and his eyes filling with tears of pure rage.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FJDLSHFD PLEASE BARE WITH ME AND THIS CLIFFHANGER OKAY DON'T HATE ME I'M TRYING  
> AAAA I'M LOWKEY NOT CONFIDENT ENOUGH IN THIS CHAPTER BUT,,, AAA


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luwoo make out and WayV are the best family around  
> Unlike Jungwoo's family oops  
> Also flashbacks cause I can't write plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD!!! HOW COOL IS THAT  
> This chapter is also cute  
> For the most part again I'MSORRY

Kissing Jungwoo gave Yukhei a feeling of giddiness he hadn't experienced ever since he was a little kid.  
His lips were soft and warm and welcoming and tasted of coffee and chocolate and everything Yukhei had ever wanted. Conciousness of Jungwoo's smaller body against his own bigger one made him feel his stomach tighten in a knot, his heart skip a beat in his chest. He felt like he was drowning, waves of the raging ocean crushing his heart, yet somehow he didn't want to let go of this feeling.  
He wrapped his arms around Jungwoo as he slipped his tongue inside his mouth, deepening the kiss. Jungwoo shuddered and melted into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Yukhei's neck.  
Normally, Yukhei's brain would be screaming at him to stop - warning him that he was giving in to Jungwoo too quickly, falling for him too easily. Or warning him that someone might see them and kick their "faggot asses". But it was like his inner security system had shut down momentarily.  
"Damn", Jungwoo whispered inbetween kisses. "Where did you learn to kiss like that?"  
Yukhei only shrugged before diving into Jungwoo's neck, breathing in his scent. He smelled of coffee and cake.  
The skin of his neck was hot and tender under Yukhei's lips, and the way Jungwoo's breath got caught in his throat didn't go unnoticed by him. He internally cursed the greater powers from up above that made him unable to physically tell Jungwoo just how fucking beautiful he was.  
Experimentally, he bit down on the soft skin, making Jungwoo gasp out and blush a deep red. He smiled against the crook of Jungwoo's neck before beginning to leave a trail of bites and kisses all over it, filling it with red marks - it was like painting on a blank canvas, Yukhei thought, and, despite never really being into painting, it fascinated him.   
He ran his thumb over the marks and took in the gorgeous sight. Jungwoo, flushed from head to toe, his forehead sweaty and his hands trembling visibly, holding Yukhei close so that he could mark Jungwoo's neck with kisses and bites. It made him feel weird. A good kind of weird.   
Desire would be a good word to describe it.  
"Wow", Jungwoo exclaimed, and Yukhei felt like it summed it up perfectly.  
He nodded his head and smiled before kissing Jungwoo again.

* * *

Yukhei returned home, only to find it loud and messy as always - that's what he got for having six brothers. But this time, it was a welcome sight.  
Usually, he'd return to the humble, beautiful building of his childhood with a heavy head, a bleeding arm and a crappy mood - but that evening was...  
Well. Different.   
He came in, expecting to be greeted by his mother - Sicheng would have definitely told her about his encounter with him, he wouldn't miss the chance - but instead he was greeted by *all* of his brothers, waiting for him in the corridor as if he was an ancient Olympic champion, returning to his homeland with the branch crown on his head and the knowledge of the undying fame of his name on his subconscious.  
And if he were honest with himself, he didn't feel far from that.  
He smiled widely at them as they cheered loudly.  
"MY BOY'S GROWING UP SO HECKING FAST", Kun yelled and ran to him, embracing him like a proud soccer dad.  
Yukhei hugged back without second thoughts, smiling widely and proudly.  
Sicheng gave him a thumbs up and winked at him playfully from the distance. Ten was smiling like the Sun itself, and, as Kun pulled away from the hug, he sprinted to his direction and hugged him too.  
"I'm so proud of you, son", he said, wiping fake tears, but sporting a definitely real smile.  
Yangyang, Xiaojun and Hendery looked excited, to say the least, clapping and jumping around like hyperactive kids.  
"Tell us what happened!"  
"Is he your boyfriend?"  
"Did you kiss him?"  
"What does he look like?"  
"Is he cute?"  
"Is he kind?"  
And then came his parents.  
When he first figured out his sexuality, he couldn't have been more than 13. He was scared out of his guts to tell anyone and decided to keep it to himself till it ate him.  
And it did eat him, very quickly.  
One night, Sicheng found him weeping in the bathroom, and it didn't take long for him to draw answers from his younger brother.  
When he told Yukhei that he was also bisexual, the relief that washed him over felt so surreal that Yukhei could swear he had heard wrong.  
But he hadn't.  
Next came Ten's coming out as gay. Yukhei now knew he was not alone, and it was one of the most beautiful feelings he had ever experienced.  
They decided to come out to their parents all together.   
It was a moment of stress and agony, to say the least. Yukhei was the youngest of the three and really needed their support, but they were just as anxious as he was and it was nerve-wracking. He couldn't stop fidgeting with the long sleeves of his jumper, looking down at his feet and hoping that he wouldn't break down crying the moment his parents stepped foot in the room.  
Sicheng began with prologue. Yukhei had expected that to be the case - Sicheng was shy, despite trying not to show it, and the idea of coming out to his parents was probably tearing him apart just like it did Yukhei.  
But Ten, Ten was having none of that.  
When he started feeling like it was taking too long, he didn't hesitate to interrupt his brother and blurt out "I'm gay". Just like that.   
Sicheng froze more than their parents did.  
Yukhei, gaining courage, unfolded the paper he had in his pocket. He had decided to make it at least a little bit funny, in order to make the mood lighter.  
On the paper read "I possess the big bisexual" with large letters and "please don't kick me out I love you" with smaller ones. He saw tears shimmer in the corners of his mother's eyes and his stomach tightened at the sight.  
Anxiety was clawing at his throat and he hated it.  
Lastly, Sicheng came out as well, sighing as he said "I'm also bisexual" and leaning his head against Yukhei's shoulder for comfort. It surprised Yukhei, but he didn't want to disappoint him, for it was obvious he needed it, and he played with his brother's hair a little. Only Ten looked completely unbothered, expression sharp like a razor.  
"I'm sorry", their mother finally said and wiped her tears.  
That, they didn't expect. Even Ten's expression betrayed his surprise.  
"F-for what?", Sicheng stuttered.  
"For making you believe that you needed to do this", she replied. "Hell, for making you *scared* of doing this."  
They looked at each other in disbelief, not knowing how to feel about the situation, until their father spoke up.  
"We love you no matter what."  
This memory replayed in his head as he looked at his parents then, and a thought he couldn't ignore came to ruin his peace.  
"They love and support you so much and yet you ruin yourself instead of being grateful."

* * *

"TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME-"  
"Yangyang, will you do everyone a favor and shut the f-"  
"LANGUAGE!", their mother's voice was heard and she gave Ten a sharp look.  
"I'm sorry, Yangyang."  
"Good."  
"I suggest that everyone shut their mouths so that we can listen to Yukhei?", Kun said.  
Everyone agreed.  
Yukhei started gesturing and moving his lips to communicate with the rest of his family.  
"I met him at school."  
"OOO", Hendery let out. Xiaojun elbowed him to shut him up.  
"He asked me out, I said yes and he treated me to coffee and donuts. The donuts tasted great."  
"Awww", Ten cooed.  
"We made small talk. He's Korean and an only child. His name is Jungwoo."  
"Is he cute?", Ten asked, smiling brightly at his brother.  
Yukhei nodded and flushed, hiding his face in his large hands.  
"AWWW", Sicheng cooed and tackled Yukhei, who fell to the floor on his back with a surprised expression painted all over his face. Sicheng tickled his sides and giggled, Yukhei laughing soundlessly and kicking him as he did so.  
"Chengie, leave him alone, I wanna know more about the Jungwoo dude", Xiaojun said and Sicheng obliged, smiling widely at his brother as he helped him up. Yukhei was breathless from all the laughing.  
"Tell us what he looks like!", Hendery exclaimed enthusiastically.  
"He's shorter than me."  
"Everyone's shorter than you!"  
Everyone laughed at that. It was true that Yukhei was a literal giant, the tallest out of all his brothers despite his age.  
"He's really good-looking. He's slim and has pale skin. His smile is really cute."  
Hendery cringed and let out a high-pitched yelp. "THIS IS SO CUTE IT'S ACTUALLY GROSS!"  
"Are you gonna see him again?", their father spoke up for the first time.  
"Yes. We go to the same school. I guess we'll start hanging out from now on."  
Yangyang smirked mischievously.  
"Did y'all kiss?", he asked.  
Yukhei blushed at the memory of Jungwoo's taste, the feeling of his lips against Yukhei's own; he instinctively pressed his palm against his lips, as if to collect the remnants of the aftertaste of Jungwoo.  
He didn't need to do anything else. Kun yelled an "OH MY GOD" and the room was soon engulfed in chaotic cheering.

* * *

Jungwoo was walking down the street alone, under the starry night sky, tears in his eyes, pain in his heart and blood all over his clothes.  
His plan had failed miserably, he was bleeding too much for his own good and the hopes he'd built up had burnt to ash.  
But worst of all - he was homeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The British government is out to get him and cut him in half can we get an F in the chat
> 
> OKAY JOKES ASIDE I'M SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER AGAIN AHHDNDNJD DON'T HATE ME I'M TRYING


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Very very graphic self-hatred, self-harm and violence descriptions
> 
> HI GUYS SORRY I DIED AGAIN, WRITER'S BLOCKS SUCK  
> PLEASE BEAR WITH ME I'M TRYING

They say, when one becomes subject of pain on the regular, one grows accustomed to it.  
And Jungwoo agreed.  
The pain, it's there, and it hurts just as much, and yet you don't seem to care about it anymore.  
It was routine for him to go to bed, bleeding dangerously fast, and waking up in the morning only to think "Aw man, I need to wash the sheets again". Feeling no shock at the terrifying sight of the blood that painted the sheets bright red - not anymore.  
It was routine for him.  
And yet the pain always remained.  
The feeling of his skull being shaken whole, his head cracked open like an egg under the weight of the glass against it. The feeling of being shouted at, screamed at, hearing only words of hatred, misery and loathing from the mouth of his own father. The feeling of his hair getting pulled, sometimes even ripped out of his head. The feeling of being treated like a punch bag.  
It all hurt.  
And yet, Jungwoo thought that it wasn't enough.  
It was an unusual thing to think about, considering the circumstances, but the truth is that the more Jungwoo looked at his reflection in the mirror, the more he seemed to hate what he saw. He could see the terrible things his father called him written all over his own skin with some invisible ink.  
"Worthless". "Brat". "Little shit". "Undeserving". "Ungrateful". "Asshole".  
Everything.  
And so he decided, he needed to help his father somehow, to give this ugly thing he saw in the mirror the pain it deserved. Maybe that would make him proud. Maybe that would give him the words of praise he had naturally been craving to hear.  
He first tried knives, but soon realised that they didn't carve deep enough into the flesh of his arm and only left superficial scratches. They weren't made for cutting skin like that, he concluded. They were made for stabbing.  
He had seen use of these in movies his father sometimes watched. However, he felt like doing this to himself was something out of his power - it frightened him, although he hated to admit it. He feared that he'd accidentally kill himself off, and he didn't want to die.  
That led him to search through the house for stuff that might be useful to him for this purpose. His father didn't own a lot of things, since he barely had any money, but he had hoped that he'd find something.  
And he did.  
By the bathroom mirror was a shelf, and there they were, a packet of them, waiting for him to use them to carve through his own skin.  
Razor blades.  
He couldn't have been more than 11 when he first dug one of those bad boys into the skin of his forearm and cut through it as if it were paper. 

* * *

Jungwoo was now 16.  
It had been five endless years of perpetual suffering and pain till he met Yukhei.  
Someone like him. Someone who understood him and his suffering.  
Jungwoo had had boyfriends before. Flirting was natural to him - when he saw someone handsome, he just had to tell him. You never know, he might be needing to hear it.  
That gave him quite a lot of opportunities - that is, assuming he didn't get a "get the fuck away from me you fucking fag" as a response. Homophobes, man. Stuck-up as shit.  
But even then, it was usually no more than just making out, maybe a little sex - just a distraction from his pain and suffering. No actual feelings involved, no trust or dates or other things that couples did. Just that - a distraction.  
But with Yukhei, things were so, so different.  
He felt dumb for falling for him so hecking fast, but he couldn't help it. Yukhei was just so kind, easy to talk to, charming, beautiful in every way ever, and although he knew that the Chinese deserved better than him, he couldn't help but want him with every cell of his body and every little bit of his soul - wanted to make him feel loved, to make him understand that he mattered, that he was important and amazing and great and beautiful inside and out. Jungwoo knew for a fact that he had never felt like this towards anyone, ever.  
If this was what love felt like, he was willing to let it envelop him in its embrace and crush him with its enormous weight.

* * *

BANG! BANG! BANG!  
Blood was dripping down his face and he felt his head spin dangerously, more and more with every time his head made contact with the wall. Unwillingly, he let the phone slip from his fingers and fall to the floor with a light thud, which his father was too busy cracking his son's skull open to hear.  
Said man's grip was tight around Jungwoo's nape, pulling him to the wall with ease. The previously white material was painted red with blood.  
"YOU FUCKING UNGRATEFUL, UNDESERVING FAGGOT!", he yelled on top of his lungs, to the point where Jungwoo would've worried his dad would start coughing up blood if he himself weren't too preoccupied with keeping himself conscious. His vision was blurry and he couldn't move his limps properly. It was as if his brain was on lockdown - and it probably was, too busy trying to keep him alive to allow him to move.  
Which is why he couldn't stop his father from picking up Jungwoo's phone, which was still recording, from the floor.  
"That yours?", he asked, although he already knew the answer.  
Jungwoo tried to nod his head yes, but soon realised he couldn't move at all. Instead he opted for letting out a soft groan. Speaking required thought, and that was quite a privilege in the given situation.  
With a simple move, Jungwoo's father destroyed his plan, making it look like it was the dumbest thing he could possibly have done.  
He walked to the window, opened it, and, without looking, threw it to the street - and with it, all evidence of his abuse.  
Jungwoo didn't even have enough willpower to protest - not that it would've done him any good if he did anyway.  
The last thought he had before darkness engulfed him was Yukhei, hugging him as if he were a guardian angel, soothing him, wordlessly telling him that everything would be okay, and that he was there for him no matter what.  
Then he fell unconcious.

* * *

When he woke up, the first thing he felt was enormous pain, as if every bone of his body was broken.  
He blinked. His vision was blurry and he felt tired and worn out, but something in his gut instinct told him that he was in danger and had to get moving, fast.  
His instinct proved to have been correct once he managed to make out his surroundings.  
It was nighttime, and his head hurt quite a lot, but he was certain - he was not at home.  
This was his back yard. And he was lying flat on his back, in the middle of it.  
He tried to remember what had happened, but his brain felt like jelly. Unable to help it, despite his logic telling him that it was dangerous to stay here, he passed out once more.

* * *

This time, Jungwoo felt a little closer to human.  
It was still nighttime and the sky was clear and beautiful. Luckily for him, it was still early autumn and the cold wasn't unbearable - he still felt it, though.  
His head hurt, but that didn't stop him from sitting up. Subconsciously, his fingers reached for the back of his head, only to feel them get coated with fresh blood. "Magnificent", he whispered to himself.  
Now was the difficult part - standing up. His legs felt weak and he doubted whether they could hold him, but he'd never know unless he tried - and besides, he needed to go back home. He had no idea how he ended up there, but he had to go back.  
Luckily for him, he managed to stand up on the first try, despite his dizziness - though he did have quite a hard time remaining vertical for long, but it was okay. He'd live.  
He looked in his pocket for his keys, then realised they weren't there. His blood ran cold. On the verge of panic, he searched and searched in every single one of his pockets, and then searched again, as if his keys would suddenly get born inside one of his magic pockets. He wasn't so lucky.  
That meant that he had no means to get back. His apartment was on the third floor, so he couldn't climb up either.  
His forehead got damp with cold sweat. He started shaking, his hands clenching into fists, his fingernails digging into the skin of his palm. He tried to restrain himself from giving in to the ugly thoughts that were dancing in his brain, for they would do him no good at the given time. He tried to distract himself from them. The floor. What a nice distraction.  
He looked down - and then he saw it.  
A few meters away from his feet lay the outline of an object. He could see it quite clearly, despite the darkness, as it was close, but he couldn't tell what exactly it was. He approached it and kneeled down to touch it and feel the material it was made of - and froze.  
He knew what it was. It was a backpack, his own backpack. Suddenly, he remembered - he remembered the beating, and the phone being thrown out of the window - Jungwoo was sure that, if he wanted to, he could search for it and find it here in his back yard; maybe, just maybe, if he were lucky enough, he'd find the evidence of his abuse and be able to finally scream his pain out to the police.  
But it was night, he couldn't see anything, and he was sure it was hopeless.

His phone couldn't have survived the fall. There was no evidence. There was no escaping.  
His mind went back to the backpack - why was it there? He wished he had a flashlight to see what was inside.  
"Streetlights", he whispered to himself. His brain was finally starting to function.

He tried to pick up the backpack from the floor. It felt so heavy his legs gave up, making him fall on his knees.  
He wanted to cry. He felt so weak and helpless, unable to lift one slightly heavy bag as he was.  
The dizziness came back. He figured he must be losing more blood. He took off his shirt, which was dirty and damp with sweat, and hoped that the inside of it wasn't as dirty as the outside as he clumsily wrapped it around his head to stop the bleeding, the sleeves wrapped around his neck, slightly choking him. He figured he'd look stupid, sort of like Little Red Riding Hood - only his shirt was white. For now, at least.  
The cold suddenly felt all too real as his abdomen was now completely exposed, covered in all sorts of scars, wounds, cuts and bruises, some self-inflicted and others not. He suddenly felt really curious as to what the hell even was in that bag that made it so heavy - cause it definitely wasn't just his textbooks.  
He stood up again, half because he wanted to get the backpack to a better lit place and half because the cold was piercing through him and he felt like moving would make his blood flow a little. Carefully holding the shirt against his head with one hand, adding extra pressure to the wound, he dragged the backpack against the cement and made his way to the nearest streetlight.  
As he arrived there, he was already tired and the movement did very little to produce heat. He opened the backpack and was welcomed with the beautiful sight of clothes - his own clothes, nice and familiar and warm. He grabbed the first sweater he found - a bright red one with the Adidas logo on it, which only added to the Little Red Riding Hood concept - and put it on, welcoming the feeling of the warm clothing against his skin.  
But then it hit him - why clothes?  
He searched into the backpack and found that all it contained was clothes and textbooks.  
All his belongings.  
Suddenly being deserted in the middle of his back yard made all sorts of sense.

* * *

For Yukhei, sleepless nights were routine.  
He loved to spend them doing what he liked most - stargazing and listening to Iron Maiden. It soothed him, in a weird way - it helped him clear his mind, sort out his thoughts.  
Run To The Hills was playing on his earphones as he was looking at the bright shiny stars of the night sky and he couldn't help but think that Jungwoo would fit up there amazingly, with his bright smiles and warm loving heart.  
He blushed at how cheesy he was being and looked down at the street. It was quiet and empty as always, only one person walking on the street.  
He looked at his phone for the time. 3:04 AM. Whatever that person was doing at this ungodly hour, it couldn't be legal. He didn't give it much thought though - not until the mysterious figure came close enough for him to be able to figure out that the person was injured.  
The figure was male, perhaps around Yukhei's height - maybe a little shorter. He was wearing jeans and a red sweater and had a shirt wrapped around his head- a white shirt that was soaked in blood. He seemed to be half-carrying, half-dragging a heavy-looking backpack. Yukhei was quite concerned, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it - who knows who that strange man could've been.  
Said man suddenly released the heavy bag and let it drop to the pavement with a light thud. He looked exhausted, his chest rising and falling at a fast rhythm as he panted for air. The mysterious man sat down on the pavement, trying to catch his breath.  
This was starting to freak Yukhei out - what the hell could've happened to the guy? Should he call for an ambulance? No, he decided, if the guy needed an ambulance he would've called one himself. But what the hell, he was bleeding quite a good deal, and what even was in that bag that was so important? Drugs? Weapons?  
Then the guy lifted his head, and his features were illuminated by the streetlight.  
Yukhei's brain malfunctioned.  
The guy was Jungwoo. *His* Jungwoo.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungwoo is one sad boi and today Yukhei shall find out why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I wrote this at 3 AM while listening to a metal playlist yeet  
> WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE POSTED THE NEXT CHAPTER IN LESS THAN SIX YEARS' TIME?  
> OH SHIT THAT'S VIRAL NEWS GUYS

He didn't think twice about it before standing up from where he was sat, putting down his phone and earphones and running off. Run To The Hills could still be heard loud and clear as he put on a random jacket, momentarily almost forgot to grab his keys before running off to take them, slipped into a pair of Converse and closed the door behind him.  
He took a breath or two before running across the garden and to Jungwoo's direction. Questions were starting to flood through his head - what the hell was he doing, why he was injured, what that bag contained... but he decided, that's for later.  
He ran to him. He wanted to shout his name, call for him, let him know he was there, but as it turned out, he didn't have to - his footsteps were loud enough to make Jungwoo raise his head, a panicked expression on his tired face. Soon, panic turned into confusion and then to relief as Yukhei dropped to his knees and hugged him, as if his life depended on it.  
Jungwoo relaxed into the embrace. He needed that - he truly did. Knowledge that he wasn't completely alone in the world. That he had a shoulder to lean on, to cry on.  
"Baby", he whispered against Yukhei's neck before placing a kiss there. Yukhei pulled away slightly - Jungwoo worried he had said something wrong, but that was not the case, as it turned out.  
Yukhei patted the back of his own head, and Jungwoo understood that he was inquiring about the wound.  
"I don't know how I got it", he said. It wasn't the full truth, if he had to be honest with himself - he had quite a good idea of what it possibly could've been. It included glass, and his father.  
Yukhei looked panicked and worried - Jungwoo didn't like seeing him like that, even though he knew he had every right to be worried. "I'm fine", he said instead.  
Only after he said it did he realise just how blatant a lie it was.  
Yukhei's expression betrayed that he wasn't buying it.  
Jungwoo looked down, to his lap. He thought about the day he had had, from the moment he stepped foot into the house and onward. He had talked to his father about Yukhei. About the date. That's what he had asked, after all. The reason why he was late.  
Then he received a good beating - he didn't know how he looked, but he assumed he had bruises all over the left side of his face, blood on his head, dirty tangled hair painted with blood... he suddenly felt exposed, as if he was naked. He was suddenly all too aware of how pathetic he must look, unable to lift the bag with his own clothes, bloody and dirty and scarred in more than one way.  
And so he did the one thing he knew how to do best.  
He cried.  
He sat there and let the tears fall, like a toddler who dropped his ice cream. Yukhei cupped his tearstained cheeks and lifted Jungwoo's face, forcing him to look at him - his boyfriend, should he say? - instead of his lap.  
Jungwoo only cried harder.  
He wrapped his arms around Yukhei and cried and sobbed and wailed in his embrace as if there was no tomorrow. He let all the pain he had been holding in all these years unravel and find its way to the surface.  
He doubted whether he was even breathing. Whether he was among the dead or living, he couldn't decipher. All he knew was that he couldn't bottle up the pain any longer.

* * *

"My mother died a few days after I was born due to internal bleeding."  
He lay on Yukhei's bed - bottom bunk; above him slept one of Yukhei's brothers who he didn't recognise, but would soon find out was Yangyang -, face-down, while Yukhei was treating the wound on his head.  
Yukhei had motioned for him to come in, and after a lot of protesting, managed to persuade him. He took a shower and changed into clean clothes - Yukhei was eager to make him wear his sweater, even though Jungwoo had clothes of his own. Not that he was complaining.   
Jungwoo was not planning to stay the night there, however - no, he wouldn't force Yukhei out of his bed, nor would he be an extra weight to the family. They had a lot of teenage hormone bags to deal with as it was.  
But he thought, Yukhei ought to at least know the whole truth.   
"My dad... well, I presume he couldn't live with that. Losing a loved one isn't easy, I'm aware. But that doesn't mean that he has the right to take it out on me, y'know? I mean, I was just a baby. It's not my fault she died - hell, why would I want my own mother dead?"  
With every word he spoke, he felt more and more like everything was going to be okay - sharing his story with someone else made him clear his mind a little.  
"He drank. He drank a lot, and he became violent. He would scream at me, throw things at me... at first, that is. Soon it turned into a bloodbath fight."  
Yukhei flinched at that, but didn't stop him. Jungwoo didn't notice.  
"He would tell me terrible things. And it doesn't take long till you start believing it yourself, y'know what I mean? If all I hear is how useless and stupid I am, I'm gonna grow up believing I'm useless and stupid."  
He sighed. Yukhei was now covering his head in bandages, making him look like a mummy from some stupid cartoon, or a caterpillar in its cocoon.  
"I knew I was gay since I was, like, six. I didn't know it was something out of the ordinary... let alone something bad, like people make it to be. I didn't even know what being gay was, I just knew I wanted to marry a man when I grow up." He chuckled. "If you ask me now, I'll tell you that I'll consider it a miracle if I grow old enough to be an adult. As of marriage, not happening - no one would marry me."  
Yukhei's expression turned into one of pain. He couldn't stand hearing Jungwoo say things like that about himself, but it wasn't like he was going to stop him - no, it was something he needed to get out of his chest, and he wasn't about to stop him.  
He ran the back of his hand along Jungwoo's cheek tenderly, letting him know that he was there for him and that he could go on and talk all night and he'd listen. Jungwoo smiled and took Yukhei's hand in his own. He'd understood.  
"When I found out about people's views on gay people... man, I knew I was fucked. I knew my father would never accept that. I kept it to myself, never told him anything about the men I'd go around fucking with like a fucking slut just to get my shit together and not crumble under the weight of my own problems and self-hatred."  
Yukhei tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Jungwoo looked up to him - like this, illuminated only by the faint moonlight, he looked so mysterious and unreal that Jungwoo momentarily wondered if he was just a fragment of his imagination.  
Yukhei pointed his fingernail against his forearm and drew an imaginary line. Jungwoo flinched at what it meant - "what about the self-harm?".  
"I was 11, and dumb. I hated myself and wanted to give myself the pain I deserve - and also hoped that maybe that would make my father proud. I mean, all he ever did was hit me and break me - maybe if I did it myself for once, it would prove that I had learned my lesson. But of course, that didn't happen - I doubt whether he even knows I've been doing this."  
Yukhei nodded and looked down at his lap. He wanted to cry - he felt like his troubles were so trivial compared to Jungwoo's. He felt like a total idiot.  
"Anyway, I wanted this abuse to stop. I thought that maybe recording it and handing it in to the police would be evidence enough. So today I tried that... and it didn't turn out well for me, obviously. He threw the phone out of the window, just like that, beat me up till I passed out, packed all my stuff into that bag" - he pointed at the backpack that was lying gracelessly on the floor - and left me in the back yard alone to face my fate." He paused. "He kicked me out."  
Yukhei was done treating the wound. Jungwoo was done talking.  
All Yukhei had to do to let him know he understood was lie by his side and embrace him. Jungwoo didn't have the willpower to protest - he was exhausted, mentally and physically, and Yukhei's embrace was too inviting for him to ignore.  
The last thing he felt before sleep enveloped him was Yukhei's lips against his own, soft and warm and loving and tender...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No it's not short it's more than 1.5k shut the fuck up  
> I lowkey have an idea about what the ending is gonna be (FINALLY FFS) and if I go for it it'll be happy and cute so do not worry guys this abuse of your mental health is soon coming to an end I promise  
> Also please leave comments I'm insecure


End file.
